she knows

she speaks to me in armenian
although barely knowing the words.
a pilgrim with such strength
traveling quickly between two worlds like a galloping horse.
her breath becomes mine
as she forms beauty from nothingness.

in time i'll launch her racing toward the stars
where we came from before landing in the ocean
left to cool before leaping into the unknown territories of tomorrow;
two volcanic pieces of what remains of heaven.

as we struggle to find meaning in the simplicity of us,
who we're meant to be in the coming wild
i can see that she has already surrendered to the black
because she knows how important it is to me

saying i love you

last night i looked into her eyes and thought i saw something that looked like love.
i believe i saw it there, staring back at me while we were fucking.
always fucking these moments of clarity away.
i loved her in that moment, but didn't say a thing.
i didn't do anything about it except kept going.
i didn't stop so that maybe she could feel me loving her as i devoured each corner of her body.
later she looked deep into my eyes as we were fucking again
and i realized she didn't have to say i love you back
because she didn't stop either.

furnished

you have well furnished eyelashes
she turned to me and said.
this woman has my heart
is all i can begin to think in my head.

pulled

i remember the days when i carried poetry in my wallet like
a compass to lead me home.

but those days are gone.
for now i carry a locket of my own hair instead.
dead and tormented locks delicately wrapped and clipped with the ever most care,
there laid in a gentle coffin i prepared as a reminder of what it felt like the time you ripped them right out of my head taking with them all the goodness in the world
in a moments slaughter.

but slowly now i've come back to the words i so dearly missed.
the words that were always clearly going to bring me back to this bliss, this heaven on earth, my voice.
so i tattooed these words onto my soul so i'd never forget the heart you stole when you sank your fingers into my head and pulled as hard as you could.
cheers, darling.

feelings of knowing

it happened.
a moment of forever freeing itself in a passing glance
shattering the foggy trance i had fallen in
stunned and unchanging.
from the first second i laid eyes on you
running across the street in your denim jeans
time stopped and i knew i could breathe again
in and out of my once dying lungs turned black from adopted smoke.
knowing you is enough to save just one more moment in this dream.

wolverine

i told her my name is rar, as in i love you in dinosaur
after explaining to her the origins of my before her up till now.
our name is all we have in the end, i explained,
everything else fades away.
she thought about this the entire day and later turned to me in bed while pulling my hair
and said, you are an ancient carcajou,
a boreal beast who is seen in innu culture as having stamina and mysteriousness, with striking hair and beauty.
i'm what? i asked intrigued.
a carcajou, she whispered.
you are a wolverine.

peace in shattered glass

i'm left with so many questions about what we had
who we once were together
the good and the bad
i realize now that this was all meant to be
because no matter what
i was always supposed to see
your bright days and then through to the black
what life could be like on the opposite one way track
that you labored so hard to lay down and then took
you were always made to alter my life's event book
with photographs of our years disappearing as fast as were snapped
freeing my beautiful moments from forever being trapped
just like all the dancing and all the tears
all the non-fucking erased in a moment like all of my fears
as if they were never really there
ever pushing me toward something more sacred in the upcoming years
and now i feel peace in the calm of the storm
when so many pieces of me broke off scattered and blown off like a dandelion
now i am shattered with little left
nothing but your face
your eyes, your fingers, and your breasts.

burning in the shadows

i love you,
but you don't love shit.
how could you?
you weren't made for it.
you were made to run away,
sulk and hide,
made to scream and shout in the shadow of your pride,
clinging to your ways, with no change in sight,
without people around you to keep it bright.
self-imposed and deposed.
decomposing bit by bit.
go ahead, and do what you do best,
push people out and make them feel like shit.

this lesson is hard, but when will you learn,
in life you are the choices you make,
and all you do is burn.

days go by

happy birthday, mary.
i miss you with all of my heart.

life in the red

i find myself forgetting
things i told myself never to forget.
your smell is almost gone,
and all the good things i held onto for so long.
i don't want to forget, but perhaps these memories don't belong here anymore,
and so they are fading quick.
nature's eject button for misery and ineptitude.
vanishing deeper into the past.
a dead weight sinking all that could have been,
our beautiful future together, not made to last.
no, who am i kidding.
you're inside me forever.
my blood.
i couldn't get rid of you if i drained my own veins.
you're attached to me always, a red happy balloon with wings.
i choose to make my memories of you happy,
while you hate.
hold onto your pride, don't hesitate to retaliate.
i'm sorry my darling, it may be too late for you.
but i choose life with a smile on my face,
because i create my own fate.
i choose to be happy by stepping out of the red,
out into the light,
away from the dead.

blond buddha

blond hippie buddha sitting sparkling in the sun,
i saw you in passing just before the dawn of the bombs breaking down on us like drops of rain,
just before the light turned from red to green again.
but before we left you there on van ness,
i wanted to make a paper airplane out of the dollar i found that day,
and send it sailing through the wind your way,
to pass on luck, or an exchange of brotherly love in this sometimes cruel world,
but then the light changed and we drove away,
leaving me with these words to someday give you instead.