life in the red

i find myself forgetting
things i told myself never to forget.
your smell is almost gone,
and all the good things i held onto for so long.
i don't want to forget, but perhaps these memories don't belong here anymore,
and so they are fading quick.
nature's eject button for misery and ineptitude.
vanishing deeper into the past.
a dead weight sinking all that could have been,
our beautiful future together, not made to last.
no, who am i kidding.
you're inside me forever.
my blood.
i couldn't get rid of you if i drained my own veins.
you're attached to me always, a red happy balloon with wings.
i choose to make my memories of you happy,
while you hate.
hold onto your pride, don't hesitate to retaliate.
i'm sorry my darling, it may be too late for you.
but i choose life with a smile on my face,
because i create my own fate.
i choose to be happy by stepping out of the red,
out into the light,
away from the dead.