eyelashes gone

if we don't have tomorrow, i was glad to know you today.
if i don't get to spend my future with you, i'll likely spend the rest of my days making wishes on all the eyelashes of those who will come after
wishing that you find happiness in whatever it is you're searching for.

come giants at virgils

when the nights go dark, when the lights go down, when giants take their rest is when you and i perform ourselves best. when silent breaths breathe into dying and decrepit lungs lost and fragile to life. overused. filled once with smoke and angels playing games with their lives leading us to heaven or to hell. the spell of paradise cast over it all like an eerie shadow, or a magical and translucent hologram, transparent to all we are.

i remember when i told you i love the smell of bourbon and cigarettes on a woman's breath. then you ordered a bourbon and stormed out to smoke a cigarette. clouded by your beauty and strength, the sweet smell of your silliness surrounds me like stillness in a universe of splendid things. the you of we, defining the us that came before with each step as you walk away.

violent women unbecoming all around shroud their true faces with pleasantries spoken to vacant friends as i wait for you in the dark before i go lay down this day in my parked car. i'm meant to watch awkward embraces between detached gentlemen and hear statements of being blackout drunk together way back in the good ol days as if this was the denouement in their lives. empty words and puffed up tales all around talks of being published and daddy issues and manhattans.

then trip hop appears, saving me from all of this fake. finally waves of music bringing me to tears as unbecoming thoughts of not seeing you again creep in. remembering talks of which finger to hold your cigarette, far from smooth with lesbians fumbling toward ecstasy at the end of a blunt. sitting here alone watching it all. keep the mission safe they say as they throw their beer bottles down to the floor to crash and shatter into a hundred pieces. a hundred paces till i call you mine.

mdl

you were a queen whose flame burned too bright
the drinking and the ecstasy lingering too long into the night
riding fast breaking glass trying to catch up to your breath
steadfast brass taps telegraphed by a life plagued by prejudice and mind games
the pain that remained by lines blurred between being gay and glam
a man whose life in the open never sheltered from the damaging rain left to rust.

you painted colors from san francisco to vancouver in the last days you were here
may your light find no end, keep your heels in the dust ever dancing my dear.

the taste of you

now that you're away, days like that one time we dared to fuck in my car on guerrero surround me like the sound of your name.
you didn't care that people might stare, or stand lingering there in front of the driveway to notice the fogged up glass and sounds of you.
i don't care, you make me so hot, you said.
hands, hair, and the taste of you on my fingers as we ate ethiopian food twenty minutes later.

making sense of her

i know that without her, i wouldn't have both of you.

there's no doubt in my mind that's why we were together.

not much else makes sense anymore.