paradise

on the steps of paradise, where we both know sin,
can we be forgiven for this malignant tendency toward silence breeding bombs of catastrophe over buckets of tears we don't have?
it's not my fault that i can only get two words in before i walk away from the same in you.
we both suffer.

can this pain be taken away by laughter ever again?
take my hand, now. tell me we'll be ok on a train going our separate ways.
maybe stay with me and play with curls for a little while longer.
we don't have to go in yet.

how long till i regain consciousness in the numb?
i was never meant to know the real you,
under the blankets caking emotional attachment onto my body like warpaint.

snickering and sometimes giggles distract me from where we've been.
to heaven and hell and back again.
i'm carsick now, and don't want any more of it.
just want it all to end.

thick gobs of memories cling to me like mollusks trying to grasp at feet for wings to fly away,
holding on for dear life, instead finding a rock to make home.
i'm thrown back into the sea, in between sharks and angels screaming for the attention of silent gods.

i've seen your eyes long enough to know when you're done.
enough to say goodbye and not cry about it.
enough to mean the pain you inflict, callously.

we went right up to the edge of the world and held each other as if there was nothing more.
we've birthed too many memories together,
but now, i don't know why,
i can breathe quietly on my own.