seppuku

there's a moment when i look at you, and it's no longer possible for me to breathe. the lights fade and everything that is human in me is turned into this unbelievably obscure shade of what heaven must look like on a good day. this composite being decomposing into bits of unmastered lucidity as i lose myself in the clarity of your image, looking for the right words to tell you how i feel.

but what if i can't find them, elusive words that forever change? emotions that are fleeing and are rearranged within moments of having them. it's as if i'm this translucent thing floating away in this beauty that i discover each day, over and over in you, but can never express the right way because i'm moving too fast in the opposite direction.

how then will i justify this crime, punishment for a dying woman's heart? how will i find the courage to end what you had the courage to start?
what will slowly happen to me, as i pay for the choices i've made,
a dying woman taking her last breaths under the shade of misplaced honor and duty?